Bits and Pieces of My Life

Losing myself

2011-08-18T19:50:00.000-07:00

I think I’m losing myself to someone whom I can’t recognize. You have brought the worse out of me, pushing and testing my patience. It takes a lot from me to be really patient for you to understand. Keep having faith but looking at how you don’t respect my parents and all, or give in, in anyways, I can’t feel anything else but disappointed. I am turning into someone I hate. I want to be light again on the inside, to feel happy and to know I’m truly being loved even arguments, I know it’s just arguments and not some other things that we bring in. Right now, it feels heavy and uncertain, I can’t do it anymore. I keep breaking down and consoling myself but I can’t always be doing this. I loved you but at times like this, I don’t know if loving you is enough or sacrificing things that you do not see is enough. I know things that you do not know but I silently keep quiet. It’s okay, just keep breaking me, break me till a point I can’t break anymore then it would be better for me. I know what I should do and don’t have to think twice like now. You do not know that verbal abuse is a silent killer. I tried doing like how you did to me and it proves to me that you hate it too. But you do not realise everytime it comes from your mouth and how I feel. Keep pushing me. I hate where I am now. I’m losing hope, faith and...I am losing myself.

Thoughts on Distance Relationship

2011-08-11T07:41:00.000-07:00

I never believed in long distance relationship. I had my share and it was suffering instead of enjoying the process of having partner. Of course I feel nothing now but hearing people around me facing that is quite scary. No. It's not online relationships that I'm talking here.

I recently got to know that my 'friend' got divorce from her then spouse. One was transfered to Singapore to work and the other remains in the Pearl of the Orient. My question was, why didn't either one innitiate to go over and work together? Is it easy to leave someone behind and walk away? I can't. If I love the person I would never leave the person behind but maybe suggesting either both go or all stay. Is there nothing precious for each other to hold onto the relationship but to carelessly let it slip away?

I remembered once I spoke to my husband when we were still in the boyfriend/girlfriend status. That he will be supportive to let me go overseas to work and he will be in this land himself. Trust came up and also being supportive and not stopping what I want to do. I remembered I was disappointed because he never showed he cared like I want to or the relationship meant something. Maybe it's his way of showing me the support but being myself, I questioned that if the relationship meant anything at all or it's so easy to just let someone go physically and expecting nothing change?

Sometimes it's not just about trust though it's part of it but just try to imagine, if you're and your partner are seperated and when you feel lonely and just there right in front of you, you have a friend to talk to, lean on and slowly friendship blossom (regardless if you're a man or a woman). No doubt you are attached but it's a temptation that one need to resists. It's easy to say that one can but can it really? Out of how many people that could resists the temptation? Even if one manage to resists but the thought of it?

I'm not saying all distance relationship does not last but chances are you'll break it more than you save it. I'll leave the post as it is for you to ponder.

2nd August 2011

2011-08-01T18:52:00.000-07:00

After all this while and saying that I do not trust you. I do feel that you do not trust me 100%, or maybe from what I asked today. I made me feel I do not have any rights to ask about anything and it made me feel like there's always a gap there, that you do not allow to close it up and be really transparent.

I'm disappointed and sad..but I don't think you know.

29 July 2011

2011-07-28T22:47:00.000-07:00

Is it better not knowing than knowing? How is it like to be fully transparent? Does it apply to everyone? Pretending is really hard sometimes that I feel hurt and it's worse that I can't mention anything at all.

Do you? Do you not?

Wish you could listen

2011-07-13T19:36:00.000-07:00

When can we settle down and enjoy each other's company? When can we start knowing how to take care of one another? I am tired, I know you are too but we were fine after the phone call to talk things though and then whenever you don't feel like it, you come with it again.

If the thing is caused by me, you said I have to take responsibilities but when I do, you said it's not because I'm making things worse. It's not because I'm making things worse. It's because you feel aggitated that's why whatever people say, you just push it out.

I'm trying my best to not take in all those words you said because I have to keep reminding myself that you're angry. I'm a human with emotions, I dont' like to lie to myself to make me feel better. We shouldn't be like that. I feel like there are so many things you told me that I'm trying to improve but when I do what's required, you tell me otherwise. How am I suppose to be myself and also to cater to your needs when you're also the one who blocks it? If I do for you, would you actually listen to my needs as well?

I'm tired and hurt to the max. If I do what you're doing to me everytime, I wonder if you'd enjoy and still stick by me through all the pain.

I just want someone to love me properly, to work together thought thick and thin, ups and downs. Not only the up. If we can't share our downs, and we don't understand each other, where are we heading towards? I feel very disturbed.

I slept thinking of you and what happened, I woke up feeling twice the hurt without knowing or how I should react or do anymore. I feel lost. We used to send sweet messages, even when I got disconnected when we chat, you would instantly send me messages in a way showing me that you want to talk to me. That, I do still meet you everyday. Now, all we do was nothing nice, just texting to inform or to complain. The feeling is not there anymore. I don't feel the same about things. My friend told me, it's better for him to not be sweet that way as how he plan out for you is more important. I know and I listened and accepted. But things are getting worse and I feel that everything comes first than me. Treating every other people better than me. I'm always the second one. I feel really hurt if you can hear or see me. All I can do is to reason out and giving myself reasons to lie on how I feel; to console myself. I miss what we used to have. Is this part of the stage where the relationship matures like people say or it's a fall out for me? I'm a girl with basic needs but even my basic needs you can't understand. I tried telling you but evrrytime it got rejected. Who can hear the voice inside me? I am about to loose myself, totally.

I miss being a priority.

Stress

2011-07-12T05:15:00.000-07:00

I wish I could lay in his arms right now. I'm feeling very stressed out with my work. Don't think I can tell him about it or even so, I don't think he knows what I need.

Cambodia

2011-07-04T19:38:00.000-07:00

Cambodia here we come! Baby plans it again. I need to start helping out a little on our Bali trip soon.

Lately I've been feeling sleepy rather early than my usual time. Is it a sign of old age? :O

Apart from this, everything is going smoothly and I'm really loving it. I really feel happier now.

21st June 2011

2011-06-20T22:09:00.000-07:00

It feels good to be introduce as his wife. It just makes me smile from ear to ear. :)

Happy

2011-06-19T22:07:00.001-07:00

You know when you really love someone is when you're willing to change or sacrifice for that someone.

It's been a few days and I'm seeing progress. Althought it's too early to say anything but I'm happy with the progress and positive sign should be taken note off.

With much faith,
Lynn

A Great Start on a Thursday Morning

2011-06-15T19:42:00.000-07:00

I finally have a big smile all over my face on a Thursday morning. I met a nice and friendly seller for Danbo and he gave me additional discount and then back to office, my hired photographer (also our friend) gave us the links to our photos. It just brighten up my day even more. I could just feel it.

A good start, and I'm sure it'll end in a good way too. I'm going for Yoga with my buddy! :D

Looking forward for today.

Wednesday Morning Thoughts

2011-06-14T17:55:00.000-07:00

My friend told me this:

"My one college fren, who likes to act like he is romeo but in fact gals never like him (lol...), said something thatI still remember till now (this is the only thing from his mouth that is meaningful). When two persons from different background come together, at the starting stage, both the persons will tolerate each other, and everything done is "sweet" and perfect and when time passes, each party will try to change the other party to suit his way. That's when the friction comes in. If either one of the party is more resistive to make a move and only expects the other party to move closer to him, then it's all depends on the willingness of the other party to do so. Ideally, each party has to make a move to bring the separation closer".

I agree and things have to be like a teamwork. No deadlines and no SOP. Therefore, one need to have determination willingness to do for one another to improve.

I'm having a lot of hope so, please let's not disappoint each other. We do things we like but also do let each other know what's happening than no communication at all or assume the person have to change and no communication needed. It creates a distance between the both parties.

Perseverance

2011-06-13T22:19:00.000-07:00

Perseverence really shows result. I need to be positive. Tiring but will try till I cant then I will give up.

I love this song. I'm addicted to it althought it's country but I love the meaning.

"Made the start, it was hard
We lived and learned, life threw curves
There was joy, there was hurt
Remember when.."

Thought

2011-06-13T18:48:00.000-07:00

I was just browsing Facebook and I saw one my friend posted this. She blogs too. I'm going to quote her because I fully agree on what she said and hope my message get across.

"Did you know that those who appear to be very strong, often are the most sensitive? Did you know that those who spend all their time taking care of others, can be the one that needs to be taken care of? Did you know that the three things that are hardest to say are: I love you, I'm sorry, and Help me!" - JayeCee Taylor

We live and learn

2011-06-13T09:57:00.000-07:00

This is how I want my relationship to be.

There are bound to be heart breaks but forgiveness, supportive and understanding is important.

It speaks how I feel. Feel free to view the clip.

I am addicted to it.

http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/video/video.php?v=462884522239&oid=320904567599&comments

When Positive Meets Negative

2011-06-13T09:11:00.001-07:00

I'm not controlling. I'm just controlling. I understand but I don't understand. I can but you can't. You want me to listen but you don't listen. You can speak up but you actually can't. You have to move fast but it's okay for me to move slow. I comment, it's complain, you comment, for our own good. The more I push, the more you retaliate, the more you push, I have to obey. Crying, I'm too weak, don't cry, I'm 'strong'.

I'm in love with a person who don't understand the word compromising, gradual change and adaptation. Hooray. Somethings are best to pretend; not to know. I will make you see you are wrong. I am closing both eyes for now. It was broken, I'm fixing it. How worse could it get.

When negative meets positive, miracle happened. When negative change to positive, positive turned negative. So now negative with positive turns negative.

Last..

Collapsing

2011-06-13T01:33:00.000-07:00

Note to self :

If things are not right, walk away. Must walk away. Is there anything out there that could motivate me to be stronger and more positive? I feel like collapsing right now.

I feel very demotivated. Could someone kind enough to pick me up, to let my eyes shine with hope again?

To love me for me, to accept my flaws and to hold me close and nurture me on my mistakes.

Engagement Shoot

2011-06-09T18:33:00.000-07:00

Whatever is it that I'm feeling right now, you will never know. I'm keeping myself sane by looking at the process and it keeps me going; hoping.

I love and miss you dearly. I can't do anything except to wait.

I hope you know that you're the only one that I want to spend my life with, through thick and thin and whatever that comes our way.

I hope you don't give up that easily.

Take care for now.

Love always,
Lynn

8th June 2011

2011-06-08T00:26:00.000-07:00

What is vow when it's meant to be broken?

28 Mar 2011

2011-03-27T09:18:00.000-07:00

Things that I miss:

- How you call me for no reason.

- I miss how you ring me up during the day just to ask how am I doing.

- I miss having you around doing nothing.

- I miss all the small talks that we had.

- I miss all the short messages that we exchanged.

- I miss the positive side of you.

- I miss the protective side of you.

- I miss how you share your thoughts with me (back in 2009)

- I miss the sweet side of you (not that you're not sometimes but I miss your sweet messages)

They are all like battery charger. Once you feel warn out, by having this, it charges you and make you look forward.

This was one of the things you said to me. I hope you can do that too:

'If you change the way you look at things, the things that you look at change'. - ST, June 15 2010

24 Mar 2011

2011-03-23T17:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was one of the worst time in my life. I can't forget and it hurts too much.

Anyway, the purpose of this post is to let people who reads this blog to know that I would be closing this by end of Mar.

I hope you guys had a 'good' time reading my blog.

Till we meet again.

14 Mar 2011

2011-03-13T18:35:00.000-07:00

There's nothing much I could do. I'm starting to feel tired and I miss being fully happy like I did before this mess happened. I can only wish because faith is making me tired.

I hope someone/ some 'thing' / God out there could hear me.

I'm glad she showed some signs that he told me. I just need to make the move now. The right one. At least I hope one case will be close soon. I know they would always be there that's why no matter how bad the situation is, I know they are always behind me. Regardless how much hurt we feel. Nothing is perfect, nothing is fair but at least it would balance out with the other.

When everything walks out, they are the ones who walks in and never give up. I wish you would too.

Do you want it as much as I do?

Looking back at how we started, I saw all my happy posts. I really miss those times with you baby. At least it shows and give positive vibes. Could you do that for me? I want to be able to type at my post what happy things we did together or how you treated me that make me fall madly in love with you.

10th Mar 2011

2011-03-10T01:32:00.000-08:00

I'm happy with certain stuff but I am also hating the way I feel about certain things. I don't want to ever have the feeling of regret which I am currently facing.

I hope it will be temporary. I just want to truely be happy.

3rd Mar 2011

2011-03-02T23:14:00.000-08:00

So I've seen this. Regardless of how old the person is, even if they claim that they are mature, I feel every one has a side of them whereby they are still childish.

It's a matter of acknowledging it or not. I'm not pointing at anyone but I myself have to admit, I've got two sides of me. It might probably depends on how you act in front of different people and how you want them to perceive you.

For example, I'm tougher when it comes to working environment but when I'm at home, I just want to ease up and pull off that mask.

28 Feb 2011

2011-02-27T17:36:00.000-08:00

I feel aweful. I wants things to be normal but I know it would take time. I want to talk but I hold back. I want a better feeling but no assurance of any form. I want to see but I don't think you want. I wish if I put more effort it would help but the ball is not in my hands.

I just don't know what to do about the pain that I feel.

Persevering the pain.

Feels like I just need to be loved.

- Trying to instill positive thoughts as much as I can.

27th Feb 2011

2011-02-27T02:16:00.000-08:00

I wasn't in a good state for the past couple of days so I spoke to my sis and I feel much better. She's the only one who understand me. Who truely can listen, give me advice and to tell me if I'm wrong without hurting me.

I was alone, on my own so she asked me to take off my mind from everything and just find a movie or drama to watch so I am out from the zone that I'm in. It did help a bit because it's a romantic + comedy Korean Drama with the title of "Secret Garden". One of my favourite actor is starring, Hyun Bin.

Anyways, I fell in love with their song and I feel like sharing with you guys. If any of you read my blog. Have fun listening. Beginning might not be nice to some but keep listening and read the translation. It's nice, well to me.

Feels sad seeing that I wasn't in the picture. I'm only human. Everything is a bit better but it feels different when I try to convince myself by instilling positivity in me. This time it's so hard. Anything that I do or see that reminds me of what had happened brings me down.

Feels like I'm on the scariest roller coaster ride. I wish to wake up from this nightmare.

25 Feb 2011

2011-02-25T05:53:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure anymore. I love but I can't take the pain that is caused by you. If you love someone, you protect them, not hurting them when they need you the most.

Heartless. Anger means more than anything. My feelings are nothing. I'm just an option that could be kicked around even after everything, you're not thankful of having me but to criticize and adding salt to the wound. Letting others affect this doesn't show maturity. It only shows how weak you are and how much you love the person.

-Like a floating soul , living in a half hearted life.

25 Feb 2011

2011-02-24T19:35:00.000-08:00

Who do you think you are

Runnin' round leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

- Jar of Heart

24 Feb 2011

2011-02-24T02:25:00.000-08:00

At the hardest times, one should stay together to overcome the hardship together and not adding salt to the wound.

I can't describe how much pain I'm in.

24th Feb 2011

2011-02-23T20:56:00.000-08:00

When you feel like you're so happy that you feel like flying, with just a snap of the fingers it will bring you down, down to hell.

26 January 2011

2011-01-26T04:03:00.000-08:00

Yesterday my friend was chatting with me and these are the things that I said to him.

'It’s funny how we’re stuck in such situation but yet we still love the person so much to tolerate them"

"Can’t expect people to change overnight. They do it because they love the person and the person should appreciate because it shows how much the person meant to the other"

"Giving in a bit it's nothing as long as the outcome is to make the person happy and if the person is happy, I'm sure things will get better.It always have an effect on both parties"

15 January 2011

2011-01-15T05:09:00.000-08:00

So my other half is not around. It's only been 2 days and I'm feeling a bit empty. Hope he's safe there. While he's away, I dyed my hair and change the colour of my hair. Tadaa...okay, so I look rather fair here, well due to the lighting but mum said I look better with the old colour. D;

Counting the days till he's back from US. Days to go: 12 days

20 December 2010

2010-12-19T23:02:00.000-08:00

Sometimes we have to follow the heart, because if you always trust your mind, you'll always act on logic, and logic doesn't always lead to happiness.

17 Dec 2010

2010-12-16T22:49:00.000-08:00

For the part few days, I’ve realize that:

- No matter old you are, your parents are always there to support during your ups and downs. Always.
- Sometimes the more we care, the worse things would be. Let it go and we’ll feel much lighter.
- If you realize that the person you put as a priority and it’s not the other way round, try to let loose. So when it hurts, it doesn’t hurt as bad.
- Always think before we speak. You’ll never know how much you’ll hurt the other party, especially on things that you do not mean.

16 December 2010

2010-12-16T05:08:00.001-08:00

Sitting right in front of me, I feel the emptiness. There's nothing much left to say.

Disheartened.

How deep the rift between us has become, devouring all that I am.

16 December 2010

2010-12-15T08:21:00.000-08:00

I finally got my blog back! I miss this baby to do some rant.

I feel very hurt right now. I'm unable to express myself enough to let you know how much pain I am in.

11th Oct 2010

2010-10-11T07:26:00.000-07:00

I'm glad that we're improving, well for this week. Hopefully more good things coming our way. I'm in my holiday mood right now. I don't want to work! Someone please support me. Tee Heeee~ Can't wait for my Hong Kong trip in 3 days!

10.10.10 - Kampar

24th Sept 2010

2010-09-23T09:15:00.000-07:00

While browsing the main homepage that we set, I came across this part about 'Editor's Pick' and it was talking about signs that your relationship is down and I came across of this particular one..hmmm

He puts you down
Whether it is your looks, personality, talent or cooking, being insulted constantly about the way you are is intolerable. Not only are you wasting your time with someone like this, but they are proving that they are insensitive and un-accepting.

Here's the linkie if anyone wants to read it.

http://lifestyle.malaysia.msn.com/Relationships/Singletons/article.aspx?cp-documentid=4345128

23rd Sept 2010

2010-09-23T06:32:00.000-07:00

It was raining while I was on my way back from dinner. Half way through the journey, I felt tired and wanted to rest. Well obviously sitting isn't as comfy as sleeping, for me. So as I was laying, I knock my head with a thud. Well it was quite loud that it sounds like some bike hit on the side of the door. As I lay, I was thinking that it's been a while since I did this since I can't stretch my leg now and had to curl up, it felt so cozy at the back seat. I miss those days when I was young, I used to lay at either my mother or my grandma's lap and sleep at the back seat of the car.

Wonder how is she doing at the other side of the world...

Moving forward and trying to be positive

2010-09-09T19:41:00.000-07:00

I slept around 4.30am last night after thinking and talking, I'm telling myself to look forward. The present is what matters most although I may not like it or that I'm feeling insecure or with the lack of trust, I'm going to try my best to stay calm and compose.

Being like this is not doing any good to myself or the relationship therefore I choose to do selective reading/ listening or anything related. What matters most right now is that I'm the only one and he's being honest and loyal but if shit happens moving forward, I need to be honest with myself too.

-Trying to stay sane...

10th Sept 2010

2010-09-09T11:01:00.001-07:00

Now that I know, I feel really uncertain. I'm not sure how to react towards it. I'm very scared at the same time. My trust is just not there. I feel betrayed. I'm not sure if I can look into your eyes right now.

7th Sept 2010

2010-09-07T08:25:00.000-07:00

After what had happened and how he hold me and told them that he loves me very much instead of raising his voice, I feel very touched, happy, proud, glad and shocked all at once. I remembered giving him silly grins after the incident. It's just at least I know after all the downs that we've been through, he loves me. I think that is one of the most genuine one that I've ever felt and it means a lot to me. I know he's trying for my sake and I'm really happy and proud of what he did. It's been three days now and whenever I thought of it, it makes me smile, on the inside. It make me feel as though whatever bad thing that may come my way, I have a pillar to support. Although he's not there yet but definately improving. :D I really want to tell how much it means to me but there are no words to describe. I hope he can feel it.

I remembered asking him how do we know if the person is the one for us (to marry too). He knows what he wants and I didn't but right now all I can say is that I'd love to have him as part of my future.

Love you baby.

4 Sept 2010

2010-09-03T10:38:00.000-07:00

He was suppose to pick me up for dinner but was told he wants to nap for a bit and arrive at 8.30pm. So I waited and he didn't appear. I was thinking maybe I should just let him rest.

That night, I went through my chat log with him since 2009 and boy did I miss those times so much. The way we chatted was different. I know these feelings won't come back but it reminded me how sweet it was. The eagerness to chat with me and the long messages compared to how we communicte now. I'm not sure if the reason that we see each other everyday should be reason for the change since back then I do see him everyday and do chat with him most of the time.

I feel that we do not have much to talk about now. We're in a different stage but now that I think of it, it's quite scary. Would he get bored of me?

You first said you missed me was on 1st of May, when you were at the war room working and received my first virtual hug on the same day along with that, I received my first compliment (cute) was on that day too. First calling me aunty was on May 1st and that was the first time we chatted the entire day!

4th May - When I was down and you first said 'I am at your side', it felt sweet, somehow. \
5th May - You were down and I know why.
8th May -'I feel bad making people mad at me' - Is it so? Hmm , First virtual kiss but vomitted after that on the same day.

To be continued.. - Is sleepy-

30th Aug 2010

2010-08-30T08:30:00.000-07:00

The level of friendship u have with someone depends on whether u prioritize your feeling towards certain situation or their feelings towards certain situation.
- Carine Tan

14 Aug 2010

2010-08-13T19:18:00.000-07:00

I've been pondering. Is it worth it?

Maybe we're trying
Trying too hard
Maybe we're torn apart
Maybe the timing
Is beating our hearts
- The Click Five

13 Aug 2010

2010-08-06T21:41:00.000-07:00

I thought this was maybe one thing that I was good at but after today, I realized that I’m just a failure. Probably, I should have yet it’s just so hard. Worse part is after what I’ve done, I’m just a piece of trash.

Thank you, for making me realize what I’m worth.

"Love is said to be one pleasure and a thousand sufferings"
- My boyfriend is type B

2nd August 2010

2010-08-02T06:45:00.000-07:00

"First came with hope, the second walk off with disappointment".

22 July 2010

2010-07-21T21:57:00.000-07:00

At this point, I wish I could just cry it out but there are no tears. All I feel is the ache on the inside. One where it feels like I just swallowed a big chunk of rice and it got stuck on the inside and slowly moving down towards my digestive system.

I don't feel like working. I just want to draw or mess with Adobe to throw out my emotions but I'm stuck in front of this computer with a pile of work. It never ends. I'm hating the surrounding and the people. I need rest. Sleep. I just wish I have my bed now so I can just sink in and sleep. No thoughts or dreams, just sleep. By the time I'm done with work, I don't have time to mess with the photoshop. I was and I am freakin tired. I wish I could forget but why is it so hard this time? It keeps replaying in my head.

21st July 2010

2010-07-21T05:08:00.000-07:00

In pain and no one knows. Was it too harsh that it reaches my limit? Probably. Pretending. Maybe. Hoping. Definately. Puzzle. Occasionally. Wishing. Constantly. Waiting. Perpetually.

20th July 2010

2010-07-19T21:07:00.001-07:00

Woke up this morning and I don't feel like going to work. I had too much in mind. Should I or should I not. I'm confused. When you know someone important to you is making you an option, how should one feel? Tear-less.

Why?So many questions linger in my mind. I don't know who to seek or talk to. The person I would like to rely on, doesn't feel like they're there. I feel like I'm changing myself to someone whom I dislike. Why do we love something/someone, we give it all? I wish someone would teach me how to hold back and play the game. Yes. The game. I don't consider it a game innitially but I don't know anymore. I have a lot of things that I don't understand. I'm breaking into pieces everytime we argue. Shattering on the inside when others thought I'm okay. I really wish I have leaves to take so I can just rest at home instead of putting a mask and go to work showing nothing is wrong with me.

Why can't I feel it? Is it that easy to give up on something that we think it's very important and cherish? I'm slowly releasing the grip and yet, you don't see. I'm utterly disappointed. Can't give in just a tad more. You make me feel as if I'm a toy for you to mess with.

12 July 2010

2010-07-11T09:05:00.000-07:00

Tired and Monday blues!Can money fall from the sky please.

"Sometimes it's better to lose in an arguement than to lose the person or the relationship." - Unknown

20 June 2010

2010-06-19T22:12:00.000-07:00

Torn. I don't know what I should do. Really.

2nd June 2010

2010-06-01T10:24:00.000-07:00

After all the downs, I realised that I'm still very much in love with that 'dummy'.

I think I got the lovebug!

I received this mail from my friend, and it says this:

"I Believe...
That just because two people argue, It doesn't mean they don't love each other.

I Believe....
That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that (I'm going to add, not only friends but it may be blood related or your partner).

I Believe...
That you should always leave loved ones with Loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I Believe.....
That we are responsible for what We do, no matter how we feel.

I Believe...
That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I Believe...
That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, But that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I Believe....
That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, But, we are responsible for who we become.

I Believe....
Two people can look at the exact same Thing and see something totally different".

And I believe that with all the differences that we may have, we can over come it. =)

Earlier today, I had flashbacks on how we first met, our first date, the sports carnival and some of his old text messages. I realised I was smiling. Widely. It somehow feels different now. I'm not saying things are going downhill but the different stages that we've been through. It was rather short but sweet. I really miss those days. A lot.

达 . 玲

25th May 2010

2010-05-25T09:47:00.000-07:00

Dad's 59th Birthday today and it coinside with his chinese birthday. How often do you get that? :)

Had seafood for dinner and got him a camera lense.

Happy Birthday Pa!

8th Monthniversary and it's like usual.

2010-05-21T02:33:00.000-07:00

Only 1 more week to go before I leave this company. I should feel glad with the change of environment and the pay raise but why am I not feeling all that happy? Was it the gloomy setting that I saw when I went to the company the other day? Is it due to the uncertainty in my job? Is it because I don't quite like this career path that I'm taking? Is it because that I'm leaving some friends behind? The new 'political' environment that I may face? Or is it that I have not achieve what I want, to join an OEM company?

Oh well,life isn't always made to order..

Dad's birthday is soon approaching and I have yet to get him something!Ah I'm so broke this month. Bah!

12th May 2010

2010-05-12T00:07:00.001-07:00

I'm at work but I got distracted and sort of waiting for my colleagues to reply to my mail before I proceed to the next stage of my work. Hence, I'm here typing.

I remembered I read something about relationship yesterday so I went back to the site to find the article but I can't seem to do so. While browsing, I found another short article "Why distractions can doom your relationship". I find it quite interesting and true. To any of you that have the time to read to understand things better, here's the link.

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/37088275/ns/today-today_books/

In the article, I especially like these few paragraphs:

"When we think of intimacy, we usually think of nakedness and vulnerability. We think of opening up and sharing our deepest secrets. We think of revealing our true selves. But before any of that can happen, something else must occur. It is a necessary first step for intimacy, a step that used to be taken for granted. It is called paying attention.

At the very least, intimacy requires attention. Without attention, emotional closeness is impossible. Distraction is to an intimate conversation as water is to fire.

But to love, you must slow down. You must pause. You must attend to the other person. Fast love is about as satisfying as fast food. For love to sustain you and give you the deep pleasures it can, pleasures that are unsurpassed in this life, you must linger over your love and savor it. What gives love its particular depth and flavor only comes through over time. The best love is aged love. The rest is infatuation. But to appreciate true love, love that does not alter when it alteration finds, you must take your time—not let it be taken from you. You must allow love to free you up from your worries and your hurry, at least for the moment.

To do so, you must pay close attention. You must look for the ever-so-slight change in expression in the person you’re with, the tilting of the head, the movement of the hands, the sound of surprise at the latest news. For love to be the kind of feeling that it can and ought to be, for love to make all of life’s pain worth enduring and to momentarily assuage that pain, you must let love engulf you like a luxurious, warm bath. Take your time with your love. Go slow. While you can".

I used to save quotes in my phone so here's one I would like to share.

"So often that we forget a simple touch could bring joy to the heart".

Like I mentioned before, I like quotes. If you readers have any to share, feel free to post and share.

Trying..

11th May 2010

2010-05-10T21:53:00.000-07:00

Daniel Bedingfield - If You're Not The One

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all?

I never know what the future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it,
I don't understandIf I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don't know life so far away
But I know that its just a trip
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I'm praying you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it,
I don't understandIf I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don’t wanna run away but I can’t take it,
I don’t understandIf I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

10th May 2010

2010-05-10T03:06:00.000-07:00

Pain is all I feel.

8th May 2010

2010-05-08T05:17:00.000-07:00

"The person that you love does not necessarily be the person who loves you".

6th May 2010

2010-05-06T03:51:00.000-07:00

I got a job offer and I'm going to report to work on the 8th of June.

It's only 6th of May and I'm already missing my friends from my current company. Sigh..

Have yet to reach my target..

29 April 2010

2010-04-29T04:19:00.000-07:00

Career:
A new beginning for my career. I got offered in another company with better pay and benefits. I signed on the offer letter today! I'm a little excited about it, more towards what I will get by the end of the day but not so exicted because I'm going to leave some of my friends in my current company.

The environment from where I was during the signing, doesn't look that appealing. I hope it's different when I go to the office area!

Relationship:
I'm happy that everything is going good. I know we're both trying to improve it and I'm happy that he listens and try.

Love you baby! *heart*

($100 today) tee hee <-- inside joke

25th April 2010

2010-04-25T10:11:00.000-07:00

I never felt this way before. Well, in a good way. :)

I saw the rock and it's so pretty! But then, I do feel it's a bit pricy. Oh well.. :(

Happy 7th Monthniversary Love!

I totally forgot today's the 25th until he reminded me while he was driving. Tee hee. :p

I found the start of a new beginning. Though it's a little bumpy, I'm sure it would only get better.

Love you, as always.
Lynn

20 April 2010

2010-04-20T03:20:00.000-07:00

Things that I would like to do someday:

* Movie marathon till dawn
* Sunrise by the beach with a blanket, cuddling with my love one
* Treasure hunt with friends
* Fly on a hot air balloon
* To visit Japan during Spring
* Fly the kite with my family - reminds me of my younger years
* Clam picking

More to come.

12 April 2010

2010-04-12T07:19:00.000-07:00

Signed the S&P (Sales and Purchase) Agreement on Sunday, 28th of Mar at 2pm till 5pm.

Officially owe the bank a lot of money. From nada to RM xxxxxx/xx!!
Debts debts debts. Got to save and spend less on things that I like! D;

Baby, 'khau sai lei la'.

Well I am proud of myself that at this age, I'm the first to purchase a property among my peers.
Within these few weeks, I've learned a few things when it comes to purchasing a property; bank loans, MRTA and also insurance. All which I know nuts. What I can say is that insurance is a pain in the -tuuuut-. I'm glad that he knows a thing or two and he catches things fast. So when I'm lost in the outerspace, at least he's there to guide me back to earth.

Hope things would improve.

26 March 2010

2010-03-25T22:14:00.000-07:00

"I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing

With a broken heart that's still beating

In the pain there is healingIn your name I find meaning

So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on

I'm barely holdin' on to you"

- Lifehouse

25 March 2010

2010-03-25T06:55:00.000-07:00

Another monthniversary gone by. What I did?Oh right, I cried my eyes out.

I feel like updating but I don't have anything much to say apart that I'm broken on the inside but I guess it doesn't matter because I'm rather childish and no one cares.

The unhappy events outshine the good ones so I guess I'm not going to type much for now. Until then, I hope everyone else is doing much better than I am.

-Signing off-

10th March 2010

2010-03-09T08:06:00.000-08:00

I can't express how disappointed I am. I'm trying real hard but sometimes I need the slightest thing and yet you still can't provide. Talking.

Can I also say that I'm being taken for granted and unppreciated?

I wish you were a worm in my body to see how I feel or how I am trying.

Only to hear negative things from you but not the good ones, when you were in the wrong, it really hurt my feelings. You still don't get me.

13th February 2010

2010-02-13T01:08:00.000-08:00

Love him much

Before you proceed reading, don't get me wrong. I love him not because of the next phrase that you're going to read. I love him because I'm in love with him.

He got me tickets to Singapore as a Valentine's day gift. I can't wait to get out from here and have some fun! With the fast pace environment (company), I just want to hide a little. I know, I know. You must be thinking..eh Singapore's a fast pace country too but baby said he wants to bring me to Universal Studio and we probably would do some shopping. I think they're having their yearly sale during the time that I'm going? Need to check and the next thing to do is to get the accomodation.

I know it's been rough for the past couple of days. sorry for that but not entirely, just partially. Heh Heh.. I just hope things would get better between us and we can understand each other more. We'll maybe we do but probably both are just plain stubborn? Pfft!

Happy Valentine's Day Baby!

Work

Work is getting better. Well coping a little better as compared to when I first started. I was on holiday mood since Thursday. I push myself to complete everything fast and *cough* in the end, I have nothing to do and boy it felt wierd. I'm not complaining that I do not have any work to do but I can't surf the net so I did nothing but to chat with my colleagues which I hardly do when I work. Maybe everyone's in the Chinese New Year mood therefore the work slowed down?

Family

Why I've decided to talk about 'Family' at the end is because it's nothing good. Today's the reunion dinner with the whole family and my day just went shitty. Had an argument with my mum and we're not on talking terms. WTH. Dinner is in another 3 hours. Congrats to me. Yay. How awkward can it be later? Urgh!

On a side note, I do think parents should not intervene with their children's love life and with me, it's unlikely that I'm blind. *Think of baby for a moment* Well maybe I am a tiny bit blind. Haha..joking! I still luff ew!

Just hope things would get better. Like. Seriously. =/

12 February 2010

2010-02-12T04:10:00.001-08:00

While listening to an old song. I came across the translation of the mandrin phrase and it goes like this :

"The existence of a "tomorrow" does not mean that there is a "future" (together)".

I somehow feel the pain while listening to the way she sings. I used to like this song very much and after for so

long, I still do. I didn't fully understands it, until today.

I just hope everything goes well for me.

11th February 2010

2010-02-11T02:40:00.000-08:00

'Without the bad in life, you can't appeciate the good'. - Three can play that game.

4th February 2010

2010-02-04T07:02:00.000-08:00

Looking back at my old quotes this is one of my favourite.

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. " ~Leo Buscaglia

(Image taken from Human Pets)

If you have any nice ones to share, post it up. I love meaningful quotes.

16 January 2010

2010-01-15T21:19:00.000-08:00

Personal

I messed up the agar-agar (jelly)! Sobs sobs. There it goes. Baby was laughing all the way. *hides* Maybe it's a sign that he should cook for me in the future! Mwhahahahahahahahahaha~

Edit: Okay he failed too!LOL. The soup he boiled was tasteless (according to him).Hahahaha!

Double edit : According to me, the soup was spicy! My tummy ._.

Work

Yesterday wasn't a pleasant start for me. It was my first time screaming over the phone in the office. I think the people around me didn't expect that coming from me since some said I'm 'soft'...maybe just 'softer' than them? Hah!

If taking advantage over a new employee is what they had in mind then they are wrong. I'm starting to get the hang of my work so, dont' mess with me! Trying to get me into trouble then I'm sorry, you failed. Can't people just work together and don't create so much problem? Blah!

12 January 2010

2010-01-12T06:35:00.000-08:00

This post is meant to be forgotten. I need an outlet to rant so here it goes.

ITITTIYLTOLTYWHTM. MISCMSTIWFTBIYDCB. MTYWMMMTIMY. MIILGYWAMM. DIMTRDQM. WDYAHTDM.

10th January 2010

2010-01-10T06:50:00.000-08:00

Listen to her cry over the phone was kinda heart breaking.

I probably know how she felt since I was at that position before but I know her course would be much tougher than mine.

Hope she'll be fine after the phone call.

Ka yau! We're all behind you.

Edit: Disappointed eventhough you saw my status and you still tell me you have nothing to say.

9th January 2010

2010-01-09T04:46:00.000-08:00

I know I'm late by a little to say this but Happy New Year, nonetheless!

29th December 2009

2009-12-29T06:42:00.000-08:00

No matter down/bad it may be, I know it will always be alright..

25th December 2009

2009-12-25T07:52:00.000-08:00

Happy Third Monthniversary Baby! *loves*

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Got to enjoy the 'long' weekend.

Still in dilemma with the job offer.

23rd December 2009

2009-12-23T01:13:00.000-08:00

Went for an interview today. Was offered indirectly and they sort of discuss to buy me over from my current company so that I do not have to serve the 1 month notice or just not as long. Whatever that's been offered is a tad better than my curreny company but I'm bonded. Bonded for freakin 2 years! What if I do not like it but that's a starting step if I were to go into that line. I'm confused and the risk is hmm.. =/

It's been the line that I would like to get into but now that I'm working in this current line and adapting...

God, please help me.

Edit: While I was typing, the HR called me and confirmed that I got the job. Is it a good thing? Hmmm

20th December 2009

2009-12-20T07:37:00.000-08:00

It's always the case lately that I'm stressing up on Sundays. Trying my best to stay calm. SIGH! I can't enjoy my weekends fully. Only Friday nights and the whole of Saturday. Then there goes my Sunday. *wails*

Is waiting for him to earn 10K a month then I can quit peacefully and take my own sweet time to search for a better job. Until then, I will need to stick to this current one till I find another. Rawr!!

Baby, I'm giving you a big hint. ;p

*sings*
"I spent my time just thinkin thinkin thinkin bout you
Every single day yes, i'm really missin' missin' you"

15th December 2009

2009-12-15T07:47:00.000-08:00

Dedicate this entry to him.

Happy Birthday Love!

I Lup you!

6th December 2009

2009-12-06T03:17:00.000-08:00

Wish someone would tell me something like this..

"Even when you feel like you don't belong
Even when you fall and it all goes wrong
You know that I'm with you
That I'm with you all the time"

I've been having difficulty in breathing, maybe due to stress. I tried sitting, relaxing and also nap/sleeping but all I could think of is my work and in addition to something, it adds up even more to me.

You're, different.

5th December 2009

2009-12-04T09:16:00.000-08:00

Is happy that baby is a bit more expressive today. :D

Thank you for the laptop bag and taking note of the weight and the bulkiness (is there such word?) <33

Sorry for working OT till 9pm and we didn't manage to go back to your hometown. Must try to finish my work by Thursday, next week..well most of my work else it's going to be a repetition like today and we could not make it back next week. - feels bad- Thanks for being patient and supportive (sms-es when I told you about the delay).

Work is tiring and it scares the hell out of me already and this is only my 3rd week. Everyday I would tell him that I want to quit. Work starts at 8am-5pm, supposingly, but for me, it starts at 7 something and last till 6-7 something in the evening. That's is considered 'early'. I don't even have time for breakfast now. I can't wait to get another better offer!

Loving you more and more with each passing day.

27th November 2009

2009-11-26T19:50:00.000-08:00

'I'm wasting my time

I got nothing to do

I'm hanging around

and I'm waiting for you

But nothing ever happens and I wonder'

-sigh-

23rd November 2009

2009-11-22T07:51:00.000-08:00

Second time cooking with him! *whee*

I skipped my normal routine and went marketing with baby but before going over, I had to do some house chores. Once done, we went to Lip Sin's 'new' market to get some of the necessary items. After purchasing the items, while walking back to the car, somehow I felt that we look like some newlyweds. Haha!

Well I had to finish up my work when I was there so it took up a lot of my time but then having him around makes it all seems better although we're both working..on SUNDAY!

Sigh ..I hope I can learn fast. -stressing-

22nd November 2009

2009-11-19T02:20:00.000-08:00

And so, I landed myself with a new job and it started on the 16th of Nov. It's like jail to me. Eek! I'm being quarantine for 9 hours a day and may be more when I need to work OT. I am left with 4 days to catch up with everything that my job requires me to do. Oh and did I mentioned that I do not have any backups? I'm all alone and by looking at the monthly figures which goes by millions really scares me. The thought of it really stressed me out.

Note to self: Persevere! =/

Baby gave me a piglet on my birthday and in the box, there's a small card which actually direct me where the actual present was at (it's a riddle?). I was only allowed to open it when I finish my dinner with him. Well, yours truely got the right location and I found it when he took me back home. So when I opened the pressie, I was rather shock. Baby got me a Fossil Watch! *loves*

I think I'm gonna name my piglet ST junior. Haha! Baby, if you're reading this, that's your son. My parents actually forgot about my birthday until when they got back from work, then they remembered so they hugged me and wished me. My dad said he wanted to get me something and asked what I wanted so I told him nothing and that he don't have to get me anything. So my mum said she plan to have a belated birthday meal with me during the weekend and since baby had something in mind, I went out with him. Innitially I thought there were none so I was thinking maybe we'll all just go out and have dinner together and that would be okay too. Turns out it was all good. :D So when I came back, my parents were out, feeling wierd because they had an early dinner so they should be home by then. So when they got home, they took out my birthday pressie. They got me a crystal photo frame! That's the most expensive frame that I received. Prior to this, they have already bought me a full set of facial care items. Thank you, thank you! <3

Since I started working for this new company, it doesn't allow me to on MSN or Facebook therefore I hardly have time to catch up with my friends. Once I'm back home, I just want to spend time with my family, bf, my dog or just watch what's on tv. I'm happy that I received lots of birthday wishes; thanks guys! Thanks to the FB's reminder that reminded them but then again, at least they take the effort to wish. :D

Anyways, I feel that I've grown very attached to him. I just love being around him and vice versa. Things are getting better! -happy-

Edit: I forgot. Sam was one of the earliest to wish me. Lucky thing I receive the message around 7 something in the morning and not during the wee hours. Else I will 'keel' her! Hehehe..thank you, thank you!^^

14th November 2009

2009-11-13T08:25:00.000-08:00

I MISS BABY TO BITS!

I kept telling him after the arguement, wonder if it scares him. Hah! Maybe I should just shuush at times.

While I was listening to this song, I thought of him. So I'm gonna share it with you.

Here's the translation of the song.

Myolie: This is love; promising to love you with all my heart
Destined to walk simultaneously with you, rushing into the sea of love

Bosco: Who is the one I love most
Loving you wholeheartedly
Having you, each day is so wonderful

* M+B: Being with you forever, will only love you hereafter
Being moved by you forever, will cause me to recollect the pleasant feeling each day
Cherishing is like seasoning
Able to maintain [this feeling], so it will engrave on my memory
Loving you has taught me to be happy for a century
Oh, Baby, I love you
I’ll love you every day
Being moved by you forever, will cause me to recollect the pleasant feeling each day
Cherishing is like seasoning
Able to maintain [this feeling], so it will engrave on my memory
Loving you has taught me to be happy for a century
Grateful to have met you *

Myolie: You are the only one I am passionately in love with
Have agreed to happily share bed and blanket hereafter

Bosco: Who loves me dearly
Loving me wholeheartedly
Causing me to be happy; it’s so obvious

(Copied from Bosco.Wong's website)

*coughwonderifheisassweetasmecough*

10th November 2009

2009-11-10T07:00:00.000-08:00

It felt like the needles pierced through my heart.

Someone told me that they only keep past pictures of people who are important to them. It made me feel uneasy. Very indeed. I want to trust but also I have doubts now. My feelings and my mind are clashing now. I choose the latter. I hope he's clear of what he's doing and what he told me and how he feels. Doubting is really tiring, which I try not to do and it's bad for the relationship so I will buy the reasons but they way one handle things should also consider the feelings of others.

Words are cheap so actions are always louder. Assured but it might not be enough due to some actions seen. I'm sorry but I'm only a human, with the feelings, of a lady. I can't see what's in the mind of the other that's why I need assurance and also the action from another but I will not push. If one care for the other, they should know what to do. I've been told the reason so I choose to trust therefore I'm not pushing but I should be inform with his own innitiative and not me asking because I don't want it to sound like nagging or checking now. I don't want to further argue on this topic.

9th November 2009

2009-11-08T16:36:00.000-08:00

Back from Hat Yai!

I had a good time there minus the first night encounter, where instead of taking the 'short' cut to Hat Yai, we were passing through this thick rubber estate or something which was like a scene in a horror movie. There were hardly any street lamps till we reach some 'kampung' area oh and I think it rained the whole day so the area was flooded. So imagine flood + rubber estate thingy = horror movie scene!

The company we had and spending time with him was awesome. Had tomyum at least once a day and I spent till my very last Thai Baht. Eek! It's a small place, the central, I mean therefore we were walking most of the time, and I actually enjoyed it. Oh and I think I got slightly darker from the walk. Since we're on that topic, the sun/heat, on the second day of the trip; I decided not to wear my contact lense so I did not use my sunglasses but little did I know after walking out from the hotel, it was pretty hot, humid and sunny so when I used my hand to block my eyes, he put his cap on my head. I find it very cute. From the shopping that I did in Hat Yai, I felt ripped off when I thought of the amount that we paid for goods in Malaysia as compared to Thailand.

I love how he constantly holds my hand.

6th November 2009

2009-11-05T18:14:00.000-08:00

My heart felt warm because of the small gestures you did.

Yesterday I typed out what I felt from the past weeks that I went through with my baby but today he did small things like while we (with another friend) were at PG12's cafeteria, he sat on the table after paying and while I approach the table, he walked towards me and took the empty cup on my tray to fill in the drink that I wanted for me. Then after the meal he took some ice cubes for the both of us and poured the hot/warm milo into the cup. What I'm trying to say is, it's the minor things that one does that touches me and make me feel special. This, no money could buy. I don't need expensive gifts to feel special as long as I'm being treated nicely with sincerity, without me asking. It made me feel loved. I hope he don't loose touch on this. *BIG HINT* ehehe..

This is called "sai sam and sek chou" and not being a princess or pampered like what you said, my stalker. This was what I typed out yesterday, wanting him to read but maybe after the trip, just incase we argue. Hah! But for today, although it's freakinly cold in the office and I don't have my jacket with me, my heart still feels very warm.

Wuff yew~

4th November 2009

2009-11-03T19:15:00.000-08:00

Last week I went to Cameron and I must say, it was way way better than Damai Laut! Don't go there! Trust me!

Love the flowers! Wanted to get so many but I had to limit myself to a few. *control control* He got me one of the dried ones that I like *whee* and a small bouquet of red roses. I love the weather and the breeze. So refreshing! Althought the corn that they sell over there doesn't look nice but it's fat, juicy and sweet. Yum yum. The only part I hate the most was the winding road. It made me feel nausea. Going up was not the best but certainly better than going down the many hills! *shivers*

Next trip is to Hat Yai with his counterparts from US, China and Kulim. This weekend actually! I wonder what they have there or what's nice to do apart from the cheap massages that I've heard. Better not expect much so that I don't feel too disappointed when I'm there. Oh I think must try the tut tut or what you call that..their open air taxi.

2nd November 2009

2009-11-02T00:22:00.000-08:00

(Image taken from tidalstock.wordpress.com)

Everyday, has it's own story.

Remembered how excited I was when I was offered the job, or maybe who would I meet. I was worried if I could fit in with the people, culturally to the group and also the subgroup of the company. First few weeks wasn't that fun, I must say. It's like a strange place to me. People weren't as friendly and the only people I can talk with are much older than me, which makes me think if I'm wierd. How come I can't speak with the people around my age? Maybe they've form their own group. First lunch I had with them was wierd. It's at Sake Sushi, Queensbay Mall. Honestly, I didn't want to go but because I didn't feel like it doesn't mean I should stop from trying to see if I can actually communicate besides the previous person that I took the job from asked me to go and it's not so nice to be a party pooper.

Days got better when I realise two of my ex collegemate was working on the other floor. We would crap a lot and go for breakfast and lunch every other day. I was really thankful that days ahead won't be as boring as it was, anymore. Prior to that, I was quite alone and the only people I ate lunch with was my family and Jas. Poor me? Hee hee. When Jas graduated, I introduced her to current job and she got it! Boy was I excited. Someone I know and someone I could talk to and who is a girl finally would be working with me in the same company. Little did I know we would be working so near each other! Things were finally getting better.

Although the job I have (soon to be had) is nothing near to what I want, I was, nontheless excited. I might have my downs during the first few months but overall I'm pretty happy to how it turns out till now. When everything goes smoother, when you fit in, somehow it's time to part. In a way, I'm glad it's over because there are new tasks for me now, maybe better job? New things to learn but on the other hand, I'm a little sad because I'm leaving a place I feel comfortable with. Leaving my friends and the new people that I've met.

I remembered I was about to give up on this job but because of the economic downturn and my parents was asking me to stick with it since there were retrenchments going on, so I did. In a way, it's a good thing because I wouldn't have known my baby more if I were to leave this company. Or should I actually thank the person who stupidly left my baby's IC on the table near the copy machine because then I wouldn't even start talking to him or even notice he exists, literally. I mean he sat just beside me during the sushi outing but we did not talk as far as I can remember and I don't think I thought of him until that IC incident that made us talked to each other more.

What I was trying to say from all of the above is that, although it's not an ideal first job, although I have downs but I still enjoy my stay in the company. While typing this, I'm actually pretty sad since I received emails from my direct manager and a few others, thanking me for what I've done. It took me a while to reply to them. I have yet to type out my last email for everyone. I think the first person that I want to thank is another manager who met me at the guard house on my first day at work. He made me feel comfortable and showed me that he's approchable and was rather helpful when I first joined but maybe not since people likes to gossip. It might turn out to be a long winded email. Well maybe send him a personal one. Will see how it goes. I have *count* 5-6 more days to prepare my 'speech'.

I need a hug. Heh heh. ='(

Signing off with a heavy heart..for now.

30 October 2009

2009-10-29T17:23:00.000-07:00

Different.

27th October 2009

2009-10-26T20:06:00.000-07:00

Sister's Birthday is coming up..wonder if there's any plans for her. From Kit, maybe? Haven't been talking to her for the past couple of days. I'll make sure I'll talk to her on Thursday.

Wonder how is she coping and such..

Out of the blue, I miss the 'annoying' fella.

Job hunting > negative especially after the talk with 'J' company.

Uneasy..and a little disappointed.

25th October 2009

2009-10-25T17:19:00.000-07:00

Happy Monthniversary Love!

(-fell, + fall)

Image taken from HP

'Lup Yew' ; my daily dosage.

22nd October 2009

2009-10-21T17:39:00.001-07:00

Just thought I'd start my day with a shoutout.

Love you bebeh~

Better days ahead of us!

(Image taken from HP)

Okie now. Back to work ~_~

16th October 2009

2009-10-16T01:30:00.000-07:00

Had my first interview after months. I think I did pretty fairly okay! Well at least I have some confidence but that doesn't mean I'll get but still I'm satisfied with my performance. *whee*

I miss my bebeh. <-- Haha

Can't wait to see you!

I got bored while working so...I did this for him instead of working and send to his office mail. Tee hee~

I hope I made him smile!

The advantage of having personal cubicle. :B

I bite! Fear meh! -evil laughter-

14th October 2009

2009-10-13T09:51:00.000-07:00

I need to trust. I want to..I was really happy when our FB status change and that we're back to normal and I miss him lots. When I check on my FB later, I saw his ex wanting to add me. She was fast. It feels wierd. I'm not sure what should I think. Initially I was thinking why would one add their ex's girlfriend..does she still have something for him? It's just wierd. Personally, I wouldn't even do that. I don't want to argue over this matter just because of her. I'm tired and she's not worth it. I hope it's a sincere congratulation coming from her which leads to me thinking that it might get them to talk and be closer. I hope my trust would not backfire on me this time.

I'm gonna try trusting him more on this and hopefully not pulling them closer! *cross fingers* =/

13th October 2009

2009-10-12T23:58:00.000-07:00

Please, let everything be okay from now on.

I'm tired. 3-4 times of argument in a week really wears people off, not only me but him too. Besides this is only the beginning. I want it to last, hopefully, for a long time.

I love you.

But if our understanding are not at par, no matter how much we like it to work out, it would go no where. I don't want to start doubting you nor have any negative feelings. I really hope that we could be as transparent as possible because no matter how one explains, sometimes it's not enough. I've tried being really transparent to at least try to assure you in any way possible whenever I can. I'm not sure if you felt it. I'm not good with words. At times we might think it's nothing but how did the argument happen? Could there be something that's bothering? I will, from now on try to cater to you but you have to do your part too. Not what you think is right but what would the other person think or feel. Be a bit more sensitive towards my feelings, please? If I happen to think like a man, I don't think you need me as your girlfriend. We are not people who have similar thoughts. We need to put ourselves in each others shoes, sometimes. I wish things could be smoother...for the both of us, from now on..

6th October 2009

2009-10-05T23:34:00.000-07:00

Unhappy.

1st October 2009

2009-09-30T22:20:00.000-07:00

I officially have a stalker. You know who you are. Bwhahahaahaha!

Boring-ness and I'm missing my MAN..I mean BOY.

Together

2009-09-27T22:05:00.000-07:00

25th September 2009
His place
Pirates of the Caribbean 2
Second time he ask
Around 11 something..and he said I took about two commercial breaks to think..maybe he should say to give him the answer. :b ..

Mine..rawr~